Triumphant Return . . . Sort of

Return? Yes. Triumphant? Probably not. Particularly considering it's almost 6:00 and I just got out of the shower. I've been up since 9, but putzing around. Somehow, it has taken me all day to unpack. I've also tried to do some organizing of my desk -- you know, that sort of productive procrastination that doesn't have to get done, but you convince yourself that it does. RIGHT NOW. That's what I've been doing all day.

I do feel some sense of triumph from CCCC in NYC. I have to say, it wasn't as inspiring as I had hoped, but I attribute that to three things: 1) My own high expectations. I'm not sure anything could have lived up to it 2) The fact that I got to see my best friend for the first time since October 2005 and, in all honesty, was a bit more focused on her than on much of the conference, 3) my dissertation. It's really the third more than anything. I realized -- as did Kelly -- that what we find so energizing at CCCC is the discovery of new ideas, new topics, fresh viewpoints. But we're both so deep into our dissertations that we simply can't handle any new ideas or new topics. We've got more than we can handle already, thank you. So we both basically zeroed in on those panels that directly related to our dissertation topics. And, to be honest, there weren't a ton of them.

I did, however, attend a talk about the job market "hosted" by Gail Hawisher, Debbie Hawhee, Heidi McKee, Cynthia Selfe, Doug Hesse, and Jack Selzer. I say "hosted" because the presenters only really presented for about 5-7 minutes a piece, then turned it over to questions and conversation with the grad students (and a few program admins) who were in the room. Unfortunately, I could only stay for one question if I wanted to catch my flight back to NH. It was an incredibly helpful discussion about the job market though. I got some great advice and left feeling relatively okay about the approaching job search. Many of the presenters did a fantastic job making all of us, I think, feel better, by explaining that the people who are interviewing you chose you, they like you, they want you to do well. Whether or not that's always true, I don't know, but I'm going to try to remember that concept when I'm (hopefully) interviewing later this year.

The thing that I probably like best about conferences, though, is the chance run-in with an icon. At the Feminism(s) and Rhetoric(s) conference in Houghton it was a bus ride with Shirley Wilson Logan and hanging out with Min-Zhan Lu at The Library Bar. Neither woman, I'm guessing, has a clue who I am, but still, rather cool. This year at CCCC it was definitely fun banter with Ellen Cushman at the RCTE party. She gave me her seat at the bar. I played it totally cool (I hope) but kept thinking, "oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god, this is ELLEN CUSHMAN!"

As for sight-seeing and conference breaks: Kelly and I went to the MOMA and saw all the greatest hits: Starry Night, Water Lillies, some Jasper Johns, Walker Evans, etc. We went to Tavern on the Green for the Bedford/St. Martin's party (great food, by the way) and took our picture in front of the window up against which Lewis throws himself in Ghostbusters. We also went, thanks to my friend Tuffy, to the Ghostbuster's fire station.

One of my favorite things, though, is the UNH dinner. It doesn't always happen. The first year I was at CCCC in NY, Tom Newkirk organized a dinner for current and former UNHers. I remember that we walked what seemed a very long way to this small restaurant where you didn't order anything in particular -- they just brought out different entrees. The risotto was fantastic. That same year, Kelly and I ended up going to a place called Red Garlic with some former UNHers too: Bronwyn and Mary, in particular. Great Thai food. Last year in Chicago, Meagan and I hooked up with a bunch of UNHers, including Cindy Gannett (and John Brereton -- not technically a UNHer, but he did teach there when Bob (Connors) died), at a pub for dinner. This year, Kelly, Meagan, and I caught up with Bronwyn, Mary, Cindy, and Chris Dean to go back to the Red Garlic which is now the Blue Chili.

anyway . . .

The point is, it's that sense of community that really centers me, energizes me, and makes me flat out happy. I like the connections with people who went to the same school I did, even if that school was drastically different when they were there. I like seeing these people at conferences and feeling that sense of connection, if only for an evening. I like that. And the food! Even better at the Blue Chili than the Red Garlic. Amazing.

Finally, I got to meet up with my dissertation chair and I was reminded how much I miss her. She's incredibly helpful, encouraging, and I'm simply comfortable around her. I leave every meeting, every conversation with her, feeling as though I am completely capable of doing this work. That's exactly, I think, what a dissertation chair -- and really any teacher or mentor -- should be. She is, in short, phenomenal.

It's back to work tomorrow and in two weeks I present at the PCA/ACA conference in Boston, so I have to polish up that presentation. Time just keeps on trucking, doesn't it?

Hiatus

Is that how you spell that?

I'm heading to NYC for the CCCC conference (any other acronyms I can throw in here?) on Wednesday. Our flight leaves way way early, so I'll get into town too early to check in at the hotel, but I'm planning to check my bags with the concierge and head to the conference. (Lots of hard to spell words here.) I'm excited about the trip. I haven't been to NYC since the last conference there and am looking forward to seeing my friend Kelly. She and I pretty much only see each other at conferences these days, so we'll have to take advantage of the time we have.

Seeing friends at conferences results in what I have dubbed the EPR: Emotional Public Reunion. I saw my first EPR at my first staff meeting at UNH. People came back from the summer and wandered into the staff meeting, made eye contact with someone, and their faces lit up, they hugged, they asked about the summer, they missed each other. I watched this all unfold, jealous, lonely, out of place, self-conscious. I knew a few people in the room because we had gone through the week-long orientation together, but we had just seen each other (so no reunion) and didn't really know each other well enough for the emotional part anyway. But then, a year later, I came into that room and had my own EPR.

It was fantastic. I totally got it. I felt part of a community, I had friends who I had truly missed over the summer, and I belonged.

Then I saw it again at my first CCCC. I didn't have anyone to reunite with, so again I felt out of place and a little self-conscious, but that was more than just not having an EPR. It's not like they were happening all around me and I was the only one left out, but still, I knew that I wasn't yet a part of that community. If memory serves me right, Kelly and I staged one just to make ourselves feel better.

But now I know people. Not a lot of them, of course, but a few. I'm looking forward to seeing Kelly the most, but also Jess, and Bronwyn, and Katie, if she's there. Mike McD, Seth. Anyway, there are people, some of whom I'm close enough to have the arms around each other, big smiles, sort of reunion. Others with whom I say hello, ask about work and life, and am just happy to see again. But, as CCCC always reminds me, these are my people. This is my community. It's not the only one, but it's definitely one where I belong. I've mentioned that before, I know, but there's something fantastic about that. About having an academic and professional community. Gotta love it.